


Hey Phil!

by keepmecoffeedup



Category: Dan Howell - Fandom, Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF), Phil Lester - Fandom, dan and phil
Genre: Best Friends, Diary/Journal, Gen, Letters, Mentions of self-harm, Mild Language, POV First Person, Platonic Male/Male Relationships, Platonic Relationships, Swearing, Teen Angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-04
Updated: 2017-01-11
Packaged: 2018-09-14 15:18:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 1,873
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9188672
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/keepmecoffeedup/pseuds/keepmecoffeedup
Summary: Dan goes on holiday and misses Phil, who is also on holiday in America, so he decides to write him letters that he will never send.(These are actually my diary entries from when I was 15 and I've changed the characters to fit Dan and Phil. I find them entertaining so I thought I'd share them. I might change some of them to cover personal information.)





	1. 12th August 2012

**Author's Note:**

> Dan is on a family caravan holiday to France with his parents, brother and sister, auntie, uncle and cousins.

Hey Phil!

Im in France and it's really hot! I'm already sun burnt and it's only day one. GREAT! -_-

We watched the closing ceremony for the London 2012 Olympic games. It was really good although there were a few things you would have hated because I did too. First off, ONE DI-BLOODY-RECTION sang and since I heard them I've had the song stuck in my head! (I can't even listen to music to get it out of my head because my iPod is in the other caravan! :( ).

Also, Jessie J had a huge set with Tinie Tempah and Tiao Cruz. Then during a section with Queen (the band, duh!) to they chose Jessie J to replace Freddie! She killed the song, eve though it wasn't dreadful, but it just cannot be her. There are so many better people. I don't know why they chose her. Ed Sheeran sang a song too but I don't know what he was singing because we watched it at the bar and they had music on :(

don't know when I'm going to get wifi but I'm going to pay for it... I NEED to talk to you. I miss you so fucking much. I just wat to be able to have a conversation with you again... I cannot wait for 2 weeks to be over! We can finally talk to each other again and not long after that we can see eachother!!!! :D

I CAN'T WAIT!!

Apparently we're going to the beach tomorrow but I don't want to. I just want to fucking talk to you!!! :'(


	2. 13th August 2012

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW self harm mention of scars and covering up.

Hey Phil!

The beach wasn't too bad actually. We were there for hours! The waves were so cool and they went all the way over the top of me (which is quite impressive for an almost 6ft giant...) ;)

I'm really burnt on my neck and shoulders, it hurts a lot... Trust me to get burnt on the first day. -_-

A random scar has appeared on my arm (not one that I've done) but it looks like it and its really close to the scratches and I'm worried that my uncle will see. However, I've had my arms out around him a few times and he didn't say anything.   
We have to wear wristband type things on our wrists (I'll show you when you're back from America if I keep it on) and it's perfectly over my scars on my left wrist which I'm very happy about. :)

I NEED to start speaking to you again, my grammar is getting so bad and I'm starting to forget all those animal facts you have. Today I actually said 'more bigger' or something like that and it was definitely wrong - anyway you would have pinched my neck for it! (although I'd appreciate it if you didn't at the moment as it's really quite sore!)

I miss you!!!

Hopefully speak to you very soon, I hate not talking to you.

Love you!

Byeee

<3


	3. 14th August 2012

Hey Phil!

Quite a few things have happened/I've seen things that remind me of you. They're the kind of things I'd pick up my phone to text you and tell you about them! :( 

First thing was that group of people (our age) rode past the caravan (on bikes) and the two girls at the front were singing a Never Shout Never song at the top of their voices. It was the one that starts like 'I'm in trouble I'm and addict...' and I've had it stuck in my head all day since!  
The next thing was that I was sat at the pool and looking around and the one thing that caught my eye was a guy reading. Not only that, but he was reading The Hunger Games! I just though 'WIN!! :D'.

God I miss talking to you so much! :(  
I'm going to get wifi at some point because I can't go too much longer having not spoken to you.

I had three nightmares last night... I can only remember two at the moment.   
There was one (this happened because of something that I'll explain in a sec) where my family and I were in the garden and this big fucking giant mother fucker insect came up to us and was chasing us. It was like a mix between a spider, wasp and a gross ass moth that was about 10cm big. D:   
It was horrible... It happened because last night at dinner there were 2 giant spiders on the decking outside our caravan - they were massive, big, huge, massive bodied mother fuckers! 

The next dream, I don't know why I had it, but it was about me taking drugs. I was in a kind of rehab place but also at home but it wasn't home (why are dreams so confusing). You were there though... at least I could see you, even if it was a dream. Anyway, everyday I kept finding some new drug to take and each night I'd pass out ut I'd see you first running to help me. You would always shout at me and tell me that I was an idiot for taking drugs. (dw, I don't think it'll ever happen). The last time I did it though you weren't there. You had left and I couldn't talk to you. My dad was the one who found me and he told me off because for some reason he didn't know about the drugs. I was sent to my room and later dad came in and put a bag on the flood. I tried apologising to him but he just said 'the bag should ive you a hint of your punishment'. It was a load of books. He was taking all my stuff off me and I could never see or speak to you again.

I woke up crying.... :/

I really need to talk to you at some point. I need you to know I'm still alive. I need you to know that I'm not purposely ignoring you.

I want to talk to you so fucking much.

 

(oh dear... a sad song just came on....)

 

I miss you a lot! :(


	4. 14th August 2012 – Later that night…

Hey Phil!!

I GOT TO TALK TO You TONIGHT!!! 

We went to a village nearby because there was a night market there and we went to a bar that had wifi and by some miracle you were online too! It kind of feels like a dream because it was so quick and rushed… 

I still can’t believe that we actually got to talk to each other.

I was smiling the whole way through our conversation and after it too. I can’t wait until I’m back in England then we can almost talk properly. Then you’ll be back too and we HAVE to do something because I miss you!   
I got you something from the market because I saw it and though ‘PHIL! THIS IS SUCH A PHIL THING!’ and I knew I had to get it for you! 

At dinner Sarah was in tears because her and Rachel were talking about Rachel going to uni. Sarah was getting like you do when you mention me going to college. I’ll still always be your best friend, no one can ever replace you. We’re more than friends, more than brothers, more than anything. We’re unbreakable. No one is good enough to replace you. You’re just too amazing!

If only it was this easy to write in your year book… Would have saved a shit load of time.

I still can’t believe we could speak. I want to go to more bars for the wifi. I want to be able to read your spam…. There better be a lot of it! ;)

I’m falling asleep so time to say goodnight.

LOVE YOU!  
Miss youuuuu!  
Byeeee xxx

 

p.s. I got you a miniature wooden lion ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phil is a school year older than Dan in this and just left Year 11 – the ‘year book’ Dan refers to is Phil’s leavers book that Dan was supposed to write in but couldn’t find the right words for.  
> Rachel is Dan’s older sister. Sarah is Rachel’s best friend.
> 
> Also, their relationship is 100% platonic…. I swear….


	5. 15th August 2012

Hey Phil!

An upsie-downsie day today. It started like this:

I woke up at about 9am and it was really cloudy and incredibly windy but still quite warm. I was too hot last night again. We knew we were spending the day on the campsite/doing our own thing. As the weather was cooler we decided to do ‘sports’ and games. I started by playing Guess Who with my 5 year old cousin and he thrashed me! (Also he remember you from that time we saw them in the coffee shop. I showed him some photos of us ;) ). Then we played ‘Downfall’ with Uncle Dave and I lost every game. I was trying really hard too! L

We then decided to go out because it stopped raining but as soon as we got out is started raining again. We still went out and played Frisbee. My hand eye co-ordination is terrible as I didn’t catch a single throw at first, but I got better as we went on. At one point I managed to catch and take a photo at the same time!

Then we played with an American football… Adian is so good at kicking it. He clearly got all the sporty genes that I lack! He could kick it so far and get it on target, I couldn’t even throw it straight to someone a couple of yards in front of me… :P

Next up was table tennis which was all good in the first game when dad wasn’t playing and Dave was scoring but then I got pissed off with dad when he joined in. So I decided to go back to the caravan to play downfall but it ended up causing an argument between my uncle and auntie and now I feel really shit about it.

So I went to Dad to see if we had any useable bikes so he sorted one out for me and mum joined me on a 2 hour bike ride. Can you believe I did exercise for that long?! Seriously, it was 25K!!! On the ride there was a giant water tank with some really cool graffiti on it, you would have loved it. When we got back it was time to sort out dinner so I just spoke to my uncle while he made pasta.

In the evening, after dinner, we played poker. It was nearly everyones first time except my uncle and auntie’s so they knew and explained. Kian (little brother) kept winning by a completel fluke which was really annoying. Guess what… I kept LOSING! L In the end I purposely went out because I got bored. I let Alfie (5 year old cousin) ‘help me’. He was so cute!

Me, Dave and Alfie went down to the beach/lake at about 12pm to look at the stars because there were so many and we hoped to see some shooting stars… we didn’t L Alfie started musing about the universe and he reminded me of myself, contemplating the universe and our existence!

Hopefully tomorrow I can get wifi but it will be in the morning so I know you won’t be online L Oh well, I should be able to read your spam… hopefully there is a lot of it, I’ve given you enough time :P

Anyway, my arm is going to fall off, this is a long fucking letter!

Miss you more and more!

Love you lots!!

Byeeeeeeee!!!

<3 xxxxxxxxxx

**Author's Note:**

> When I was 15 I really could not stand one direction. I find it hilarious because I quite like them now... 
> 
> Hope that you enjoy this. It's mainly for my entertainment really.


End file.
